tip-toe

Ayako Kiyota

*Prose in poetic tone about being afraid of love in all forms (romantic, family, etc)

Love is fragile,
Delicate, gentle, beautiful, tender…
Desire…
Dream…
Diminish.

I cannot fathom love.
No bounds nor judgment; limitless.
Love of any kind feels like a leap of faith.
A risk that may lead to the greatest outcome, but failure guarantees everlasting scars.
My own blood and soul broke my heart countless times;
Can I truly promise to love unconditionally?

I wish I could hold you close,
I dream that I can purely let go,
I beg to let my heart soften.
But my darling, don't you see?
What I long for differs drastically from what I know.

Kindness,
It's why I stay,
Yet it's all of what I fear.

Whispers of comfort against my hair,
Warmth of dreams in the midnight chills,
Gazes of our future held within our eyes.

You love me;
It's overwhelmingly powerful.

And I love you too...

...l love you..

And I'm scared…..

I'm frightened.

But, my love,
you will not understand.

A sense of harmony— actually—
A melody—
Melodies I now understand.
The closest to heaven I can get to in this world.
But, I know me.
Lingering taunts from memories,
Nightmares of disruption,
All lie within me;
I may be the one that you shouldn’t need.

Tip-toe;
Cautious and quiet.
Myself and my self.
Two words:
one degree of separation.

Tip-toe around the danger,
Hoping my balance will last a little while longer.
I try to soothe myself, saying I can learn to rely on you for balance,
Maybe even learn to walk on my feet.
But I know that if it fails,
I've inevitably lost you.

So, please carry on your deep slumber.
Immerse yourself in your own wonderland.
I'll tip-toe away;
It will be my last gesture of love to you.

Editors: Alisha B., Blenda Y.
Image Source: Mohamed Nohassi, Unsplash